- You are offended by profanity
- You have a sharp implement lodged inside your anus which renders you incapable of taking a joke
- You think motherhood is too precious to take the piss out of
- You have a baby that sleeps through the night (this is purely on account of the jealous hatred that I harbour for you)
- You are slim (ditto the jealous hatred)*
*the last two are jokes… sort of..
In summary, this blog contains lots of unapologetically ‘offensive’ dialogue pertaining to the perils of parenting, my ever-expanding arse, my shitty sleep-deprived life in general…. And some colourful language. Because sometimes a ‘gosh darnit’ just really won’t suffice.
Now then. I suppose a brief introduction to the Marley Family would be appropriate at this point.
I’m Sophie, 30 years young and I hail from a really exotic part of the UK called Croydon, where pigeons soar through the grey, smog-filled sky and there is an abundant supply of deep fried chicken. I reside in Chicken Town with my husband (let’s just call him Cock Face*) and our charming, hilarious, non-sleeping, dynamically spirited nutcase of a daughter Mini Marley, now 21 months old.
Here I am, being held hostage in the car by my darling cherub snoozing peacefully there in the background:
I spend a disproportionately large amount of my time sat in this shitty Honda Civic, trying not to breathe too loudly or rustle my chocolate *cough* sorry, organic seaweed coated raisin wrappers, lest I wake the beast. The truly sad part however is that I actually consider this a welcome break from what is the unmistakably relentless onslaught of Toddlerism.. which is kind of like terrorism, but perpetrated by a toddler. See what I did there?
So anyway. Thats Mini Marley and Me 🙂 and I hope you enjoy my deranged ramblings! Please head on over to the Home page to read my first instalment.
*Please note that husband has advised me it is his preference to be known as Prince Cock Face rather than just plain Cock Face, so he will henceforth be known as such.